It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
