so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize