I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
