Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
