Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
