She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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