In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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