My sheets look like a crime scene.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
