Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
