you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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