i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
