You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
