i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
