he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
