one word: firstdatebathroomanal
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
