why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
