He kissed a someone with a penis
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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