if you like me you must not know who I am
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
