Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
