As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The uberlube is also flammable
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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