tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
