i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
