I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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