Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
