i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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