Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize