We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can you bring me the toilet please
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
