She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
