DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
