she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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