Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
