So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
