Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize