go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
