I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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