Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
