i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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