Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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