Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
