If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
