Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
