I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
