I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
