these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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