3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
