I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
