i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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