i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
