where am i from again
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
