Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize