I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
