Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
