I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
