Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Pooping to opera.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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