It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
