I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
