i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
