every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
