all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
