Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
