apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
