he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
