it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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