Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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