My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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