then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
false alarm. still invincible.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
